ZOMG a new Blog

Well I've decided to take a break from my homework and do even more writing on a blog. A blog that no one will ever read. At least this is a healthy way to get out my thoughts and feelings, instead of rocking back and forth in my dorm room muttering to myself. So I'm going to go on and head write into it... ha did you like the little thing I just did there, huh did ya...

Okay lately I've been involved with this Humans versus Zombies game on campus, on TU's campus, yea who would have ever thought I would say that. Well anyway I've been a moderator for the game and have met some really nice and interesting people. Not to mention hella smart, way to smart for my mediocre mind to process. There's Vivian, Robert, Peter, and the ever so lovely Garrett. Well if you haven't picked it out already than you sir are slow. Yes I think Garrett is a fine specimen and definitely looks gorgeous in a suit and a bright turquoise head band wrapped across his forehead. He rocks that look hardcore and hopefully I'll snag a dance with him at the zombie prom. He's tall, handsome, a bit thin for my taste but whatever. He has perfectly manicured dark brown hair and lovely dark brown eyes. Yes I actually have made eye contact with him. And he wear glasses and a suit all the time. I mean I pretty much have hit the jackpot and he's only a year or two older than me. Of course I haven't made any advances, because our relationship is purely business and for the sanctity of the game. But oh my gosh, if I had even the slightest chance with him I would so be all over that. Yes some how I've automatically turned into a horny high school girl, but oh well if the shoe fits.

Well apart from fantasizing about hearing Garrett with a Scottish accent, I've been thinking a lot about someone else. That one person that I just cannot shake no matter how hard I try, David Tennant. I mean he is seriously looking at me right now...from his magazine cover anyway. Nah you know the one I mean. He who shall not be named. Well he crept back into my mind recently and I just haven't been able to stop thinking about him. What is he doing right now? Is he happy? Is he satisfied with how his life has turned out so far? Is there someone there for him that will actually be more than just a girlfriend to him, but a friend as well? Does he have a girlfriend that will actually treat him properly? Did he ever figure out how much I loved him and how much he meant to me?

I know that we will never be together and we may never see each other again, but knowing I had that little time with him is almost enough. I'm fortunate to have known him at all. I often wonder if he acts differently now seeing as I haven't talked to him in over a year. I think each day I miss him less and less and that I will soon get over him, but my heart doesn't believe that. Who knows maybe I never will and maybe that's why I have been afraid to approach other guys. It's weird because I had this amazing and sometimes hurtful time with this individual and it may have screwed me up for my entire life. I mean I'm only nineteen and haven't really lived in the real world, but I can already see how everything will play out. I will be the crazy old lady that never got over her first love. One day I'll run into him at a reunion or something and he will be as youthful looking as ever with a beautiful wife and three kids at his side. And you know what? I hope he does get that, even if it means I never get to be that woman or I end up miserable while he's happy or even if I never see him again. I only wish the best for him and I know that is not and never will be me. I was just a mere friend to him and nothing more because in all honesty he never wanted more. He simply obliged me in my pursuit of something more, but his heart wasn't truly in it. I know he loved me and maybe he still loves me, but only in a way that a friend can love another friend. And I'm okay with that, at least that's better than nothing.

I know I'm building him up so much, but that is truly what I see when I think of him. He wasn't really anything special and by 'normal' standards, doesn't register as hot, but he did it for me. The way he walked quickly to anywhere he had to be. To the way his pants were also a couple of inches too short. To the particular way he parted his hair. Everything about him was exactly that, it was him. I found so many who looked like him, but they couldn't quite get that part of him. He could make me laugh, make me think, make me cry, and sometimes make me want to punch his face in. He was everything I could have ever really wanted and more because he was my best friend. Just being around him made me feel better about myself. Seeing him with other girls was always a challenge, but I knew they made him happy and I wasn't about to step in the way of that.

Yes I know I'm a pathetic loser to still be pining for a guy from high school, but you got to take into account that I spent 13 years with this person. 13 years must count for something. Oh well I guess there really is no hope for me.