Well I've decided to take a break from my homework and do even more writing on a blog. A blog that no one will ever read. At least this is a healthy way to get out my thoughts and feelings, instead of rocking back and forth in my dorm room muttering to myself. So I'm going to go on and head write into it... ha did you like the little thing I just did there, huh did ya...
Okay lately I've been involved with this Humans versus Zombies game on campus, on TU's campus, yea who would have ever thought I would say that. Well anyway I've been a moderator for the game and have met some really nice and interesting people. Not to mention hella smart, way to smart for my mediocre mind to process. There's Vivian, Robert, Peter, and the ever so lovely Garrett. Well if you haven't picked it out already than you sir are slow. Yes I think Garrett is a fine specimen and definitely looks gorgeous in a suit and a bright turquoise head band wrapped across his forehead. He rocks that look hardcore and hopefully I'll snag a dance with him at the zombie prom. He's tall, handsome, a bit thin for my taste but whatever. He has perfectly manicured dark brown hair and lovely dark brown eyes. Yes I actually have made eye contact with him. And he wear glasses and a suit all the time. I mean I pretty much have hit the jackpot and he's only a year or two older than me. Of course I haven't made any advances, because our relationship is purely business and for the sanctity of the game. But oh my gosh, if I had even the slightest chance with him I would so be all over that. Yes some how I've automatically turned into a horny high school girl, but oh well if the shoe fits.
Well apart from fantasizing about hearing Garrett with a Scottish accent, I've been thinking a lot about someone else. That one person that I just cannot shake no matter how hard I try, David Tennant. I mean he is seriously looking at me right now...from his magazine cover anyway. Nah you know the one I mean. He who shall not be named. Well he crept back into my mind recently and I just haven't been able to stop thinking about him. What is he doing right now? Is he happy? Is he satisfied with how his life has turned out so far? Is there someone there for him that will actually be more than just a girlfriend to him, but a friend as well? Does he have a girlfriend that will actually treat him properly? Did he ever figure out how much I loved him and how much he meant to me?
I know that we will never be together and we may never see each other again, but knowing I had that little time with him is almost enough. I'm fortunate to have known him at all. I often wonder if he acts differently now seeing as I haven't talked to him in over a year. I think each day I miss him less and less and that I will soon get over him, but my heart doesn't believe that. Who knows maybe I never will and maybe that's why I have been afraid to approach other guys. It's weird because I had this amazing and sometimes hurtful time with this individual and it may have screwed me up for my entire life. I mean I'm only nineteen and haven't really lived in the real world, but I can already see how everything will play out. I will be the crazy old lady that never got over her first love. One day I'll run into him at a reunion or something and he will be as youthful looking as ever with a beautiful wife and three kids at his side. And you know what? I hope he does get that, even if it means I never get to be that woman or I end up miserable while he's happy or even if I never see him again. I only wish the best for him and I know that is not and never will be me. I was just a mere friend to him and nothing more because in all honesty he never wanted more. He simply obliged me in my pursuit of something more, but his heart wasn't truly in it. I know he loved me and maybe he still loves me, but only in a way that a friend can love another friend. And I'm okay with that, at least that's better than nothing.
I know I'm building him up so much, but that is truly what I see when I think of him. He wasn't really anything special and by 'normal' standards, doesn't register as hot, but he did it for me. The way he walked quickly to anywhere he had to be. To the way his pants were also a couple of inches too short. To the particular way he parted his hair. Everything about him was exactly that, it was him. I found so many who looked like him, but they couldn't quite get that part of him. He could make me laugh, make me think, make me cry, and sometimes make me want to punch his face in. He was everything I could have ever really wanted and more because he was my best friend. Just being around him made me feel better about myself. Seeing him with other girls was always a challenge, but I knew they made him happy and I wasn't about to step in the way of that.
Yes I know I'm a pathetic loser to still be pining for a guy from high school, but you got to take into account that I spent 13 years with this person. 13 years must count for something. Oh well I guess there really is no hope for me.
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Thursday, September 24, 2009
ATTENTION!!!
Before reading the Music Story: Dream Scream - Adam, click on the Dream Scream music clip to the left and then read the story. Thank you!
Dream Scream - Adam
It was a dark and lonely night, especially for Adam. He laid as still as possible in the middle of the bed just thinking about Her. The most beautiful and perfect girl he could possibly imagine, and for a moment he had Her.
*he drifts off to sleep and Dreams*
He remembers the day he laid eyes on Her at a friend's party. She walked in as if she was floating on air. Her friends closely followed Her through the entrance, but to Adam they simply blended into the background. He only focused on the vision of the gorgeous One in the middle. She of course attracted the attention of guys and girls everywhere, they all wanted to know Her. She finally met Adam's eyes and for a moment the whole party faded out of existence.
*moves to the next Dream*
He remembers a picnic in the park. Watching Her smile at every corny joke he made, both knowing how terrible it was but not caring. Her laugh was soft and comforting, like hearing that perfect song at the end of the day. Just the thought of being in Her company was more than he could stand. Then he said I love you.
*flashes of images go by in his Dreams*
That radiant smile of Hers and how Her hair fell on her shoulders. She was the picture of perfection and love. He told Her, "I love you, forever and always! This is true and nothing can waiver it."
*moves to the next Dream*
With a little black box in his hand, he runs up the stairs to Her apartment. Ready for The Question. He opens the door only to find that someone beat him there. He walks into the bedroom to find his love being the love of someone else. She quickly retrieves Her hands from around the other guy's body and retracts Her lips from his. "Wait!" She calls as Adam quickly retreats the room and runs back downstairs into the sunlit street.
*Adam wakes up*
Adam sitting up right couldn't believe She could be worthy of doing something so cruel to someone she loved. But was it love that kept them together? He keeps thinking that. Every good thing that happened to him was because She was in his life and that everything from then on would come easy. The absolute love of his life had left him and She never said 'I love you' back.
*remembering the discussion on the phone*
"I'm sorry Adam!" strain coming from the voice on the other side. "I can't believe you did that to me. And to think I wanted you as my wife." She pleads, "Please can we talk about this in person. I have something I want to say and it can't be done on the phone..."
*the next day*
He meets Her on the steps of her apartment. "I never meant for any of this to happen or to hurt you the way I did. It was a mistake and it will never happen again." (Adam not entirely convinced) "Adam I love you! I do and I feel like I betrayed your trust. Never again will I do that. Please forgive me!" (no response) Through tears and heartache but attempting a smile, "I found that box. Please tell me there's something you still want to ask me?" "Yeah... there is. Can I have my ring back." Adam turns to leave Her apartment steps for the last time. She was left there crying.
*Adam now fully awake walks to the window overlooking the city*
"I can't leave Her. I love Her too much." He then notices the answering machine flashing...there was only one message. "Adam? I know its impossible to forgive me, but can you some day? I need you! I don't know what else to do. Adam, I lov...(click) The next move was decided. He quickly picked up his keys and shoes and fled his apartment. Running and running, nearly all across town to Her apartment. He ascended her steps, much like he did that fateful day. He approached the large brass handle and opened the apartment door. His eyes stared out into the destroyed living room to see Her laying on the sofa, a knife on the end table, and two dark red slashes across Her perfect delicate wrists. Looking as innocent and beautiful as She did before.
*he woke up*
*he drifts off to sleep and Dreams*
He remembers the day he laid eyes on Her at a friend's party. She walked in as if she was floating on air. Her friends closely followed Her through the entrance, but to Adam they simply blended into the background. He only focused on the vision of the gorgeous One in the middle. She of course attracted the attention of guys and girls everywhere, they all wanted to know Her. She finally met Adam's eyes and for a moment the whole party faded out of existence.
*moves to the next Dream*
He remembers a picnic in the park. Watching Her smile at every corny joke he made, both knowing how terrible it was but not caring. Her laugh was soft and comforting, like hearing that perfect song at the end of the day. Just the thought of being in Her company was more than he could stand. Then he said I love you.
*flashes of images go by in his Dreams*
That radiant smile of Hers and how Her hair fell on her shoulders. She was the picture of perfection and love. He told Her, "I love you, forever and always! This is true and nothing can waiver it."
*moves to the next Dream*
With a little black box in his hand, he runs up the stairs to Her apartment. Ready for The Question. He opens the door only to find that someone beat him there. He walks into the bedroom to find his love being the love of someone else. She quickly retrieves Her hands from around the other guy's body and retracts Her lips from his. "Wait!" She calls as Adam quickly retreats the room and runs back downstairs into the sunlit street.
*Adam wakes up*
Adam sitting up right couldn't believe She could be worthy of doing something so cruel to someone she loved. But was it love that kept them together? He keeps thinking that. Every good thing that happened to him was because She was in his life and that everything from then on would come easy. The absolute love of his life had left him and She never said 'I love you' back.
*remembering the discussion on the phone*
"I'm sorry Adam!" strain coming from the voice on the other side. "I can't believe you did that to me. And to think I wanted you as my wife." She pleads, "Please can we talk about this in person. I have something I want to say and it can't be done on the phone..."
*the next day*
He meets Her on the steps of her apartment. "I never meant for any of this to happen or to hurt you the way I did. It was a mistake and it will never happen again." (Adam not entirely convinced) "Adam I love you! I do and I feel like I betrayed your trust. Never again will I do that. Please forgive me!" (no response) Through tears and heartache but attempting a smile, "I found that box. Please tell me there's something you still want to ask me?" "Yeah... there is. Can I have my ring back." Adam turns to leave Her apartment steps for the last time. She was left there crying.
*Adam now fully awake walks to the window overlooking the city*
"I can't leave Her. I love Her too much." He then notices the answering machine flashing...there was only one message. "Adam? I know its impossible to forgive me, but can you some day? I need you! I don't know what else to do. Adam, I lov...(click) The next move was decided. He quickly picked up his keys and shoes and fled his apartment. Running and running, nearly all across town to Her apartment. He ascended her steps, much like he did that fateful day. He approached the large brass handle and opened the apartment door. His eyes stared out into the destroyed living room to see Her laying on the sofa, a knife on the end table, and two dark red slashes across Her perfect delicate wrists. Looking as innocent and beautiful as She did before.
*he woke up*
New Concept
I'm going to try and write short stories that go with music...awkward concept I know, but I've been listening to a lot of different kinds of music and it got me thinking of stories that would be perfect for them. The object of this is to get the feel of the story through music. Trying to listen to the music and reading the story at the same time. The music helps score the story like a movie. Which brings me to this. My first 'Music Story' will be to the song Dream Scream, originally by Daniel Johnston, but I'll use the Death Cab for Cutie cover. Hope you enjoy it!
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Zombie Dream
Content is exactly what the title says. I had an epic zombie dream, which of course stirred up my imagination. Last night or early this morning I watched George A. Romero's Return of the Living Dead fully for the first time. I always end up watching the middle or parts of the end, but I never seen the entire movie. It was brilliant I have to say, but I have some problems with the zombies and their origins. For instance how is that they are so unbelievably smart and fast, I mean they are living dead. And what was the origins of the original zombie if all the other zombies were infected by a military owned biohazard chemical...anyway back to the point
My dream had me set in my hometown and I walk outside to my car and there's all kinds of hungry zombies everywhere running towards me. Where my family was, I have no idea, but they weren't in the house. Then I end up in town, without a car but with a bat. I sneak around corners trying to get closer to the police station for help. There's zombies left and right coming up to me, *wack* goes the bat meeting the head of the zombie. I see a huge RV and make a mad dash for it, mind you this is a dream and I can actually run without looking totally ridiculous. I'm about half a block from it and then I see this gorgeous guy(tall, great brown hair, fantastic smile and even more fantastic brown eyes; remind you of someone) who is about to have his face eaten off my a blonde bimbo zombie in a mini skirt. I run up to him and yell, 'Come on! Leave her! She's not herself.' He narrowly misses a bite to the head and then we both manage to climb on top of the RV and...that's it, I woke up. It was so much cooler than I described it. Hopefully I'll remember it later or have it again.
My dream had me set in my hometown and I walk outside to my car and there's all kinds of hungry zombies everywhere running towards me. Where my family was, I have no idea, but they weren't in the house. Then I end up in town, without a car but with a bat. I sneak around corners trying to get closer to the police station for help. There's zombies left and right coming up to me, *wack* goes the bat meeting the head of the zombie. I see a huge RV and make a mad dash for it, mind you this is a dream and I can actually run without looking totally ridiculous. I'm about half a block from it and then I see this gorgeous guy(tall, great brown hair, fantastic smile and even more fantastic brown eyes; remind you of someone) who is about to have his face eaten off my a blonde bimbo zombie in a mini skirt. I run up to him and yell, 'Come on! Leave her! She's not herself.' He narrowly misses a bite to the head and then we both manage to climb on top of the RV and...that's it, I woke up. It was so much cooler than I described it. Hopefully I'll remember it later or have it again.
Friday, August 21, 2009
Monday, August 17, 2009
The Wombats
God I would do anything to go see a Wombats concert. They are one of the more amazing bands out today. A Guide to Love, Loss, & Desperation is quickly becoming one of my favourite albums of all time.
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